TUF should be renamed The Biggest Loser

I weep for the future of the UFC heavyweight division. Wednesday night’s second episode of The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights was embarrassing to watch – and I would think, embarrassing to be involved with.

I’m not referring to the dozens of obnoxious little Kimbo Slice moments that were crammed into the show between Burger King commercials just to satisfy folks who are only tuning because of him. Or the fabricated tension between coaches Rashad Evans and former UFC fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson.

I’m talking about the fight between James McSweeney and Wes Shivers. And I use the term “fight” loosely.

Like last week, Rampage chose the fighters, pitting 6-foot-7 ex-NFLer Shivers against the 6-foot-4 kickboxer McSweeney, who trains with Evans at Greg Jackson’s school and who hardly looks big enough to be a heavyweight. Maybe it was because he was standing next to Shivers, but the camera does add ten pounds and he looks like he needs a few more cameras on him if he ever wants to compete in the UFC HW division.

For a former offensive tackle Shivers was surprisingly inert. He just stood there and took leg kicks. I had expected him to use his reach to keep McSweeney at bay and perhaps tackle him to the ground. Then I realized that Shivers has the submission skills of a tree stump and seemed completely unaware that he could punch and elbow from the top position.

McSweeney was little better, throwing flying spinning kicks like he was in a Chuck Norris movie when he wasn’t pulling a Kaleb Starnes and running for his life. By the second round it was like watching a couple of three-pack-a-day smokers trying to walk up a flight of stairs. Gasping, wheezing, sucking air, hands on their knees. It was worse than watching Mark Coleman fight himself. The fight probably should’ve gone to a third round but the judges took mercy on us and handed McSweeney the majority decision, meaning he was less of a loser than Shivers.

On a high note, Evans chose former IFL champ and much-derided butterball Roy Nelson to fight backyard goon Kimbo Slice on next week’s show. It’s the most cartoon match-up possible so I’m thinking Evans didn’t come up with it all by himself. Regardless, it’s the only reason half the viewers are even watching and I’m glad to get it over with.