Brock Lesnar blames Canada

Brock Lesnar insulted the Canadian health care system yesterday, referring to it as “Third World.” The UFC heavyweight champ made the remarks during a press conference to answer questions about his current health and possible return to fighting (he’s fine; he will return).

So here’s his story: Lesnar was at a hunting lodge somewhere north of the border when his diverticulitis went into full gear. Correction: when his diverticulitis that his U.S. doctors had misdiagnosed as mononucleosis went into full gear. Unsatisfied with the treatment he was receiving at a small Canadian hospital (which he refuses to name), his wife, WWE superstar Sable, drove him “at a hundred miles an hour” across the Canada-U.S. border, where he claims the doctors were eventually able to properly diagnose his illness. He was later treated at the prestigious Mayo clinic, one of the foremost medical facilities on the planet.

Don’t worry, fellow Canadians. Despite feeling we have “Third World” health care, Lesnar claims to “love Canada,” adding it has “some of the best people and hunting in the world.” (I’m assuming the people and hunting are mutually exclusive.)

Lesnar who refers to himself as a “conservative Republican,” used the experience to criticize President Barack Obama’s health care reforms.

Lesnar blames the onset of his diverticulitis on “a total protein diet, not enough fiber.” Lesnar, the last man on earth anyone would accuse of being a sensitive New Age kind of guy, made the following comments: “I’m a carnivore. I’m not a fan of PETA. I’m a member of the NRA, and whatever I kill, I eat.” He also attributes his healing to a change of diet, natural medicine and praying.

Praying and a dollar will get you a cup a coffee at Starbucks in much the same way praying and a doctor can cure diverticulitis. I thank god I live in a country where everyone can pray and see a doctor and not pray to see a doctor.

If there is a moral to this story it’s to eat your vegetables. If you don’t eat your vegetables and get diverticulitis, being a former WWE superstar and UFC heavyweight champion helps to pay the bills. But seriously, eat your fucking vegetables.