I’m half-interested in a quarter of the fights at UFC 109 and a quarter interested in half the fights. Or something like that

At first glance, Saturday’s UFC 109 looks like a total snooze. Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman in the main event? Twelve years ago, sure, but now? Aesthetically, this is an ugly fight, two old war horses battling it out, a last grasp at glory, slipping and sliding on each other’s wrinkle cream, yada yada. Shades of Ultimate Warrior-era WWF wrasslin’.

The Matt Serra vs. Frank Trigg main card opening bout is like a dehydrated version of the main event – two scrappy, yappy mutts clinging to UFC relevance. Granted, a second straight loss by “Twinkle Toes” Trigg (whose first name is actually Dewey, FYI) and he’ll be gone, while Serra has enough cache – he’s liked/hated in about equal measure, he’s both an Ultimate Fighter winner and a former welterweight champ, and he’s the last person to beat Georges St. Pierre – to ride out a loss even though it would be his third in a row.

None of the other match-ups on either the main card or preliminary card scream “Fireworks!” With the exception of Brazilian jiu-jitsu ace Paulo Thiago vs. striker Mike Swick, none of the other fights even feel balanced.

I don’t mean mismatched or lopsided; I’m not talking about one fighter being obviously superior to the other, although in the case of Nate Marquardt vs. Chael Sonnen, I have to say that’s clearly the case. A Sonnen victory would be an upset in anyone’s book.

What I mean is that the pairings involve one well-known or recognizable entity, a marquee name of sorts, at least among hardcore MMA fans, versus somebody nobody but their family really cares about.

Sure, that creates an automatic underdog situation and everybody loves a Rocky story, and it’s certainly not indicative of skill level or the likely outcome. As great as he is, it’s hard to get psyched up for a Demian Maia fight when his opponent is Dan Miller, a significantly less capable submissions specialist and owner of a 3-1 UFC record who most people – myself included – couldn’t pick out of a lineup. (Quick: name three fighters Miller has beaten. Exactly.)

The preliminary card is riddled with fights that I really only want to see half of (and I’m only half interested in that half): the once highly touted yet kind of annoying vegan/PETA poster boy Mac Danzig, who’s a loss away from exiting the UFC, against Justin Buchholz; the sometimes exciting until he gives up his neck and gets choked out Melvin Guillard against Ronnys Torres; the prone to passing out Phillipe Nover against Rob Emerson; Brian Stann against Phil Davis (neither of whom have left any kind of lasting impression in past fights; maybe if they had cool nicknames they’d be more memorable); Tim Hague, who has the Canadian thing going for him, against Chris Tuchscherer, who I’m sure will be wearing a reinforced-steel cup; and Rolles Gracie against Joey Beltran (it should be obvious from their names alone which fighter will garner more of my attention).

So, on paper there’s no one great fight in the offing. But as a whole, it’s really not a half-bad. It’s not half-good either, though. And I suspect we could be in for a long night of three-round decisions.