musings on mixed martial arts, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai and all things mano-a-mano

A couple of weeks ago I suggested electrifying the cage to liven up boring fights. It was mostly a response to the lack of Pride-like pop during recent UFC events. The loss of Brock Lesnar and his WWE heelness also takes away a bit of the lustre. So why not introduce tag-team fighting to the UFC?

They were originally going to put a moat around the octagon and fill it with sharks or crocodiles, so why not have fighters compete in pairs? Why not? Because MMA ain’t figure skating, that’s why not. Just look at the final seconds of this video — do you want to see UFC fighters rolling around in a tangled, sloppy and sweaty mess like that?

A mediocre karate guy gets choked out by a mediocre jiu-jitsu guy. Okay, fine, whatever. But the karate guy taps, and taps, and taps, and the jiu-jitsu guy still chokes him unconscious. Gives himself, his club and the entire sport a huge black eye. Embarrassing doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s deplorable. This guy should be kicked in the nuts with a Buick.

I have high hopes for Haywire based on the talent involved (notably director Steven Soderbergh, Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender) and the generally positive reviews and buzz its been getting from respected and serious-minded film critics (i.e. not guns-and-ammo movie fanboys or MMA knuckledraggers who consider 300 or Fast Five some kind of action apotheosis), not to mention the hotness and action chops of star Gina Carano.

Everything that I’ve seen and heard about the movie tells me that the action is lean and mean and grounded in reality. Or as real as Hollywood gets these days. No gravity-defying wire fu, no CGI-assisted leaps from rooftops to runaway trains. In other words, no death-defying Angelina Jolie bullshit.

This clip, roughly the first few minutes of the movie and featuring Carano fighting Channing Tatum, definitely prove that out. The fight is short and dirty and completely convincing. I believe that Carano’s character could kick Tatum’s ass. It doesn’t hurt that Carano doesn’t save herself single-handedly (there’s nothing like a good coffee pot to the skull to turn the tide of a losing battle).

The question mark, though, has always been Carano’s acting ability, or lack thereof. And this one scene is, well, amateurish and uncomfortable. It’s not much to go on, and it’s just one brief scene taken out of context, but egads! Hopefully the script lets the rest of the cast do most of the heavy lifting while Carano spends her time busting people up.

How much longer will Zuffa allow Strikeforce to limp along before putting it out of its misery? With somewhere in the range of 40 UFC events scheduled for 2012, MMA fans are already reaching a saturation point where we don’t have enough energy to care about what’s going on at Strikeforce. And Strikeforce is making it easy to ignore it, too.

The Strikeforce light heavyweight and welterweight titles are both vacant and the heavyweight division has been gutted and will be scrapped altogether in a couple of months (with Fedor Emelianenko’s return rumoured as a last-gasp swansong).

There’s also discontent within the ranks. Like lightweight champ Gilbert Melendez, middleweight champ Luke Rockhold, fresh off an unsurprising knockout of Keith Jardine on Saturday that saw the downed and defenseless fighter take way too many punches before referee Herb Dean stepped in, has said there’s no competition for him in Strikeforce (although Tim Kennedy might have something to say about that).

Meanwhile, Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal went a little nuts after knocking out Lorenz Larkin on Saturday by by calling out everyone from Quinton “Rampage” Jackson to Gegard Mousasi. King Mo’s desperate need to hype himself is understandable given he just signed a four-fight contract with the withering Strikeforce.

Then there’s Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos, who put another nail in the coffin of women’s MMA when she tested positive for steroids. No surprise there. She’s a beast and her fights were freak shows that did little to help the growth of women’s MMA. Perhaps, then, her suspension might actually help women’s MMA by levelling the playing field, although I don’t see Strikeforce being able – or willing – to capitalize on it, no matter what CEO Scott Coker says.

The 145-pound division is dead. Coker is dead wrong about there being any viable competition in that weight class, which is part of the reason why Cyborg was on the shelf for more than a year prior to her last bout. And I don’t think we’ll ever see Gina Carano back in a cage for a real fight despite her admission that she’s on the fence about it. Her movie, Haywire, is getting rave reviews and the life of a Hollywood starlet, even on a Cynthia Rothrock level of fame, is much easier and more lucrative than getting beat up in a promotion that won’t be around much longer.

Still, there’s some hope on the women’s front. Arm-ripper Ronda Rousey has leapfrogged into title contention after just four fights — four one-minute fights ending with armbar submissions, mind you — to face 135-pound champ Miesha Tate at a rumoured March 3 event. Also on the card will be former champ Sarah Kaufman, who’s likely still smarting as a result of the prettier, mouthier and more marketable Rousey getting the title shot over her. Kaufman will instead face Alexis Davis. Two women’s bouts on the main card could be a sign that Striekforce is getting behind the division; more likely, it’s a sign of just how desperate and depleted the promotion’s roster really is.

Saturday sees Keith Jardine making his middleweight debut against Strikeforce champ Luke Rockhold, which sounds like a porn name or a Flintstone character.

Jardine is 2-2-1 in his last five fights, including a draw against Gegard Mousasi in his last fight nine months ago. This is a meaningless fight to everyone except Jardine, who’s never been more than a journeyman. He only has two wins over significant opponents, a first-round TKO of Forrest Griffin five years ago and a split decision over Chuck Liddell four years ago. He’s got a soft chin and, as much as I’m entertained by his herky-jerky drunken homeless man style, he’s not champion material. I certainly don’t see Rockhold having much trouble solving Jardine’s awkward fighting style and laying him on his back, and the match-up just shows how desperate Strikeforce is, especially as more and more fighters are being siphoned off by the UFC. And it’ll be in even worse shape if Jardine somehow manages to beat Rockhold.

In fact, the only reason to watch the card is to see Jordan Mein’s scrap with Tyron Woodley. Mein elbowed his way to an upset victory over Evangelista Santos in his Strikeforce debut and is out to make it two in a row against Woodley. But even that fight is something I can find online on Sunday (along with the inevitable quick finish of Jardine).

Sure, Dan Henderson and Mauricio “Shogun” Rua put on an epic five-round battle, all the more so because it was a clash between two Pride FC legends in which neither were left standing. But the judges’ failure to award Shogun a 10-8 for his dominant fifth round, which would’ve resulted in a draw, makes their war bittersweet and a rematch mandatory.

For a fight no less epic, if largely less legendary and more underdoggy, I offer Bellator 58’s Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler. Held the same night as Shogun and Hendo’s UFC 139 showdown, the light weight champ, Alvarez, was rocked early, recovered to turn the tables only to find himself on the wrong end of a fourth-round rear-naked choke and the biggest upset of the year.

For pure edge-of-your-seat excitement, how about the second and third fights in the Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard trilogy? Who could’ve predicted that Edgar, the UFC lightweight champ and the underdog, would get blasted in the opening rounds of both bouts and battle back to earn a draw and a knockout, respectively?

Toss in Junior dos Santos’s 64-second dismantling of then-heavyweight champ Cain Velasquez (aired during the biggest bust in MMA, the UFC’s Fox debut debacle) , Frank Mir tearing off Antonio “Minotauro” Nogueira’s right arm, Ronda Rousey ripping off Julia Budd’s right arm, Jon Jones choking Lyoto Machida unconscious, a pair of Steven Seagal-inspired crane kicks delivered by Anderson Silva (to Vitor Belfort) and Machida (to Randy Couture), Cristian “Cyborg” Santos delivering a 16-second beatdown of Yamanaka Hiroka, and Chan Sung Jung’s seven-second KO of Mark Hominick and you’ve got a pretty great night of fights.

Now, if you want the best fight card to watch live, for my money, the UFC’s Toronto debut, UFC 129, is simply unbeatable. The crowd and the atmosphere were unlike anything I’ve ever experienced at a live sporting event, and the fights – flying triangle chokes, spinning backfist KOs, a Karate Kid crane kick and a five-round near-upset – offered enough excitement to make me forget how much tickets actually cost. Not the best card of fights, mind you, as I’d give that honour to UFC 139 (Hendo vs. Shogun, Wanderlei vs. Cung Li, Urijah Faber vs. Brian Bowles), but the best had-to-be-there live fight experience.